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We’ve been given such an extensive cultural rubric when it comes to finding the perfect partner and keeping the Awesome i’m Not A Player I Just Scoodily Poop A Lot Shirt perfect partner, but it seems like nobody ever talks about how to be together beyond simple monogamy. For Kirova, and for me I think, it’s all about working out good, healthy boundaries. “When boundaries are clearer, but a partner still cheats, this could be a sign of lack of clarity regarding what they want, and whether the relationship is truly what they thought it was,” she explains. “Of course, that doesn’t excuse deception. If looked at as a form of self-knowledge, despite it being bad and disrespectful, cheating carries lessons as every mistake does. [My] advice would be to try discussing the desire to cheat with your partner, or partners—this is one way the presence of cheating can bring growth to a relationship, and even lead to it opening up.”



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